Is it too much to care for my mother and raise kids at the same time?

The split week

Yes. One person cannot be the whole plan. That is not a character flaw. It is a job that is bigger than one calendar.

By the Between Mom and Kids desk. September 11, 2026. Every number links to its source.

If you typed is it too much to care for my mother and raise kids, the honest answer is that it is too much for one person to cover alone. The plan has to last, because this is a long job. Here is how to draw the week, count the collisions, hand them off, call the family meeting, and hire the hours that keep repeating.

Draw the week

Take one sheet of paper and turn it sideways. Draw a line across the middle. The top half is the kids' row. The bottom half is Mom's row. Mark Monday through Friday across both. Your job is not a third row. Shade those hours lightly and move on. The split week page is the longer version of this method. Tonight you only need the sheet.

Fill in only what repeats. Practice on Monday and Thursday. The game that is always Tuesday in the fall. Pickup at 3:15 if nobody drives yet. In Mom's row: the standing doctor visit, groceries, dinner if she is not making it herself, and the afternoon she should not spend alone, if that has started. Skip the one-off dentist. This week's problem is the pattern. AARP reported that 63 million Americans, nearly 1 in 4 adults, provided ongoing care in the past year. Mental Health America says 29 percent of caregivers are in the sandwich generation. You are in a common job with two rows, and the sheet is how other people get to see both.

Count the yellow

Take a highlighter and mark every hour where both rows have ink. Those are the collisions. On this site we color them lemon. The same four show up in a lot of west county weeks: the afternoon window from 3pm to 7pm on school days, the mid-day appointment that runs into the bell, the evening game, and the weekend that is groceries for two houses. The 3pm to 7pm page is for the window that repeats every school day. Count yours in hours, not in feelings. A brother who thinks you are doing fine cannot argue with a highlighted sheet. The kids do not need the whole sheet. They need to see that the yellow is a logistics problem, not a ranking of who you love.

Hand off the collisions

Hand off the afternoon window first, because it repeats every day and being late has consequences in both houses. Hand off the mid-day appointment second, because one adult in a waiting room does exactly what you would do there. Keep the evening game for yourself when you can, and cover Mom's dinner some other way that night. Keep the doctor conversations for yourself too. A hired person cannot ask the questions you would ask.

The weekend is where a husband or a sibling belongs. The Family Caregiver Alliance says discord most often surfaces from the unequal division of caregiving duties, with one sibling taking the primary role because they live closest. You live closest. Show him the yellow. Ask for one cell, not for a feeling. The Caregiver Action Network's advice is plain: do not try to do everything on your own, ask siblings, and talk to your employer. It also notes that 60 percent of sandwich caregivers are women. A text that says call me if you need me has offered nothing, because you will not call. A sibling who owns Tuesdays 3 to 7 has taken a cell off the week.

Who belongs in the family meeting?

The Family Caregiver Alliance's guide to holding a family meeting says to include everyone who is or will be part of the caregiving team. That is the people in town and the people who think they are helping from Kansas City. Put the sheet on the table. Ask each person to take one yellow cell. A brother who cannot drive her can own the Tuesday evening phone call that keeps her company through dinner. A sister who works nights can own Saturday groceries. Your husband can own one school-night pickup so you can be in Pacific.

Do the meeting in person or on a video call with the paper held up to the camera. Do not do it as a group text. Write the names on the cells before people leave the call. Photograph it. Send it. The meeting is not a conversation about whether this is too much. You already know it is too much for one person. The meeting is how the plan gets bigger than you.

Hire the hours that keep repeating

Family hours run out of goodwill. Public programs have a door: Missouri's Senior Resource Line, 1-800-235-5503, routes you to the Area Agency on Aging for Mom's ZIP code. Hired hours are the source that does not get tired of you. The National Institute on Aging describes respite as short-term relief that can last from a few hours to several weeks, at home among other places. A few hours, two or three afternoons a week, at Mom's house, is respite. It is how the yellow leaves your row without leaving hers empty. The Family Caregiver Alliance reports that about 50 percent of caregivers get no outside help at all. If Mom does not want a stranger in the house, the Alliance's hiring guide says to tell her that accepting hired care is something she can do to help you.

Why is this a long job, not a bad week?

Because the need in Mom's row is not a burst. The Administration for Community Living says someone turning age 65 today has almost a 70 percent chance of needing some type of long-term care services and supports in their remaining years. Women need care longer, 3.7 years, than men, 2.2 years, and 20 percent will need it for longer than 5 years. That fact is about Mom's remaining years. It is not a score of your capacity. It is why a plan that only works for two hard weeks will not hold.

You can push through a bad week. You cannot push through 3.7 years and also raise the people in the top row. The kids will still have games, a quiet house they would like you in, a parent who is not only a driver between Eureka and Pacific. Your marriage will still want an hour that is not leftover. The family meeting and the hired hours are how the plan lasts, not a luxury you earn after you have suffered enough. If drawing the week and handing off the yellow still leaves you emptied out, that is past a calendar fix. Burned Out Daughter is written for that stage. Use it, and take yourself to your own doctor. The National Institute on Aging says caregivers are less likely than others to get preventive health services and tend to have a higher risk of physical and mental health issues, including sleep problems.

Does Medicare pay for the hours I need?

Not for this. Medicare does not pay for long-term care. You may be eligible through Medicaid if you meet state rules, or through private long-term care insurance. On the home-health side, Medicare does not pay for custodial or personal care when that is the only care needed. Afternoon company, dinner, and a person in the house so you can be at the field are not skilled nursing. Missouri's Medicaid program, MO HealthNet, is different from Medicare and can help with personal care services for people who qualify. Ask the Area Agency on Aging whether Mom does. No agency's hourly rate is printed on this site, including the one in the labelled box below, because none of it is public data.

What to do tonight

• Draw the two rows. Fill in only what repeats. Ten minutes.
• Highlight every hour with ink in both rows. Count them. Write the number at the top of the sheet.
• Pick the collision that repeats most, usually 3pm to 7pm, and write one name next to it.
• Send the photo to whichever sibling or spouse thinks you are doing this alone on purpose, and pick a time for the family meeting.

When to ask the care team or the doctor

If the reason Mom's row got longer is a sudden change, new confusion, a fall, a stretch of not eating, call her doctor. If you are not sure whether she can safely be alone in the afternoons, ask her doctor rather than guessing it from the pickup line. A non-medical caregiver can be in the house. Deciding what she needs in the house is the care team's call. If you have gone flat after the yellow is covered, that is a conversation with your own doctor, not a page on the internet.

Disclosed feature. Paid placement.

New Plan Care

New Plan Care is an independently owned non-medical in-home care company based in Chesterfield, Missouri, serving Ballwin, Chesterfield, Eureka, Glencoe, Grover, Pacific, Valley Park and St. Louis. Hired hours at Mom's house are how the yellow cells leave your row without leaving hers empty. It does not publish an hourly rate, and neither do we. Call (314) 405-0887.

New Plan Care pays for this spot. It is a client of OwnersFirm, which publishes this site, so read it as an advertisement with a phone number rather than as a result, a rank or a recommendation drawn from any of the articles on this page.

Keep reading

• The split week: how to balance work, kids and an elderly parent
• The 3pm to 7pm problem: after-school care and elder care at the same time
• How do I take care of Mom and the teenagers at the same time?

Cited on this page

Almost 70 percentchance of needing some type of long-term care after 65, per the Administration for Community Living. About 50 percentof caregivers get no outside help at all, per the Family Caregiver Alliance. Does not payMedicare does not pay for long-term care. 1-800-235-5503Missouri Senior Resource Line, routes by ZIP to the Area Agency on Aging.