The first sign is usually not a crisis. It is a pile. The mailbox is full on Tuesday and again on Friday, a stack of envelopes sits on the hall table with nobody sure who has read what, and somebody mentions a letter they thought was answered. This is a problem you can see before anything goes wrong, and that is the good news. Here is how to tell it has started and what to set up first.
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How to tell the mail has stopped getting opened
Look at what changed, not only at the total. Check whether the same envelopes sit unopened for more than a week. Notice whether the pile grows faster than anyone can read it. Ask whether anyone has gotten a call about a letter that never got answered. Look at the mailbox on the days you visit and at the table or counter where the mail lands. If the pile is taller than it was the last time you looked, that is the signal, even if nothing is overdue yet.
Do not guess at what the letters say
You are not the one who decides what a letter means. Stacks often include bills, statements, notices, and mail that looks important but is not. Set the rule that letters addressed to a person are opened by that person, or with that person's clear say-so. If a letter looks like it needs an answer, put it in the sorting spot, note the sender, and then ask the person it is for or call the number printed on it.
Set one sorting spot and one basket
Pick a single table or tray where the mail goes every time it comes in. Put a basket beside it for things that need a decision. A non-medical helper can bring the mail in, set it on that table, and leave anything addressed to Mom unopened, as part of an errand or a regular visit. Sorting into the basket is a safe job to hand off. Opening and answering personal letters stays with the person, and a helper should not be asked to decide on any of it.
Ask a few questions before the pile grows
Ask the person whose mail it is which envelopes they want opened and which they want left for them. Ask who should be called if a notice shows up with a deadline. Write the answers down, tape them inside the sorting basket, and check them again next month. If you want help finding local people for paperwork or in-home help, the Local Help in St. Louis page is a sensible place to start, and it is worth a call before the basket overflows.
A pile is not a failure. It is a sign the system needs one more step, and you catch it sooner because you are watching for it.