You said yes before you checked the calendar. Most of us do. Your kids ask to sleep over at Mom's, Mom sounds thrilled on the phone, and you're already picturing one free evening. Then the morning arrives, somebody needs a ride, and the only car is across town with the other half of your week. This piece is the short list to run through before the sleepover goes on the calendar.
Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.
Who is the adult on duty overnight?
Start with the plain question: who is awake and responsible in that house from bedtime to breakfast? If the answer is Mom, ask what a normal night looks like for her now. Does she sleep through, or does she get up two or three times? Does she need the television on, or a light left on in the hall? Is there a phone within reach from her bed? None of these questions are a judgment on Mom. They just tell you whether a sleepover is a quiet night for everyone or a night where the kids are the ones keeping watch.
If another adult will be in the house, such as a sibling, an aunt, or a neighbor who comes by, write their name on the sheet too. A sleepover with two adults who know the plan is very different from one adult who thought someone else was checking.
Who drives the morning after?
This is the question that wrecks more sleepovers than anything else. Pickup is usually easy. The trouble is the morning when a kid wakes up sick, wants to stay for pancakes, or has a friend's birthday at ten. Decide the answer before you agree. Who is the backup driver? Does Mom drive at all, or does she prefer that someone else take the car? Is there a time after which the pickup becomes your job no matter what? Put a clock time on the sheet, so nobody has to guess at seven fifteen in the morning.
What stays with the family
If a child takes any medicine, the dose, the timing, and the bottle stay with you. You can write the instructions on the sheet and tell Mom where the bottle will be, but the sleepover is not the moment to hand her the job. The same goes for allergies, asthma inhalers, and any rule your child's doctor gave you. Put the rule in writing, give your number and the doctor's number, and keep the decision with the family.
Write the one-page sheet
Keep it to one page, on paper and in your phone. Fill in the bedtime, the wake time, the overnight adult, the morning pickup time, the backup driver, your number, the doctor's number, the allergy list, and any food rules. Then ask Mom to read it out loud back to you on the phone. If she can, you're set. If she gets stuck on a line, that line needs a second look before the sleepover, not during it.
The honest answer
Some sleepovers at Mom's are the best thing that will happen all month. Others are a lot of work for everyone. The difference is almost always whether the three questions above got a clear answer before the kids packed their bags. Check the overnight adult, the morning ride, and the sheet, and then say yes with a clear head.